Quarky

quark express
Originally uploaded by bobo@macvn.com.

» Twitter is an odd thing. I’m now following Levar Burton and Wil Wheaton. Wil’s Twitter is especially ridiculous, though not as ridiculous (or just plain weird) as Levar’s avatar pic. The strange thing is I feel like I actually know these guys now and have to remember to resist commenting on their updates like I do with the rest of my imaginary friends.

Even stranger though is one of my (less imaginary) imaginary friends was complaining about Quark Express (the diabolically un-intuitive design and layout software) and I replied "One more reason Quark is THE DEVIL."

Within minutes I got this tweet from a Quark representative:

terrywelty @jakob_ampersand
Hello Jakob. We’ve recently cut down on our evil-doings here in Denver. I’m interested in your view on how we can improve

Personally, I find this kind of Twitter trolling by corporations simply FUCKING CREEPY. It was bad enough when WikiHow.com responded to one of my tweets last week, but this gave me aslightly violated feeling as if they’d touched me in a very bad place. So I responded:

jakob_ampersand @terrywelty
Accept defeat and sacrifice a virgin to InDesign.

terrywelty @jakob_ampersand
That sounds a bit drastic. I think we’ll just stick to improving the software and responding to customer’s needs for now.

jakob_ampersand @terrywelty
It’s good to know you’ve adopted your president’s philosophy of Hope. All should have such courage to fight impossible odds.

Terry Welty did not respond to that. I then sent out a tweet name-dropping Coca-Cola, but did not get an unsolicited tweet from them trying to convince me Coca-Cola is not, in fact, "poison."

Fine Weather, androgyne + crap weather

» On my walk home last night I was having one fo those existential moments artists sometimes have. That feeling of “What’s the use? Why bother? Is anybody out there?” Then when got home and despondently flicked on the lap top. I found this waiting for me at the blog Weather Station 1. It really makes it all worth while to know sometimes people actually react to what you’re doing and you’re not spending all your time treading water in the mire of mediocrity.

» To not prove Mr. Weatherye wrong, I finished a painting last night. And then, to prove him wrong, went to sleep. It’s over there to the right. The background was created using coffee, several types of tea, hot cocoa, wine and pomegranate juice.

» Now that it’s warmed up slightly, more snow is supposed to fall tonight and tomorrow. The sidewalks along my route had just gotten cleared except for a few remaining patches of two-inch ice in front of the houses where people with no souls live. At least the snow should actually make those patches less treacherous.

Ox

warrior 03
Originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» It’s Chinese New Year today or something.The special temp gave me a candied lotus seed because we’re "supposed to eat sweets to make the new year sweet." It took me hours to get the horrific taste out of my mouth. It was like the essence of a dodgy import shop condensed into a small yellow lump and rolled in sugar. It’s the year of the Ox. Come to think of it, the candy sort of tasted like Ox hair.

My discontent of the winter

Winter Tree 1, originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» Yep, it’s still winter here. Last year at three quarters of the way through January, I didn’t get why people were complaining about winter being so long. This year I’ve come around. Their Ontarian complaininess is seeping in. I think perhaps it’s due to having a longer walk to the subway station in the morning which has been considerably less dealt with by businesses and the general population. Or there has just been more snow for longer and I’m bored of it. I am, however, enjoying keeping my walk cleared. I’m nowhere near as good at it as the old lady a few doors down (she apparently has some kind of anti-snow force field surrounding her chunk of pavement) but it’s still satisfying to look out and see dark, clear cement with white snow on either side of it. It makes me want to goout and stand on it with a megaphone in hand, announcing, "Hey assholes! This is how it’s done! Some of us walk on the sidewalk!"

One True Soul

 
 

» The new Urbane Decay album One True Soul can be downloaded by clicking the word: FREE. There’s only a limited amout of downloads left on this link, so act quickly!

**UPDATE: The album is now being distributed digitally (again, for free) by Tony of Pollyanna Cowgirl Records: http://tonypucci.homestead.com/talented_friends.html

Oh-bama-rama

Mopissey
Originally uploaded by Weebill.

» Seems you cannot have a blog without doing an Obama day post. I think it’s a condition of my International Bloggers Union membership. I’d better keep a log of the proceedings.

All I have to say so far is "Holy hooptie that’s a lot of people."

Also, the announcer sounds like a Vegas fight announcer. I keep expecting him to say: "Get ready to ruuuuumbbbblllle!"

Seriously, that’s a lot of people. The folks on the other side of the river, I dare say would be better off watching it on TV. They got crap seats.

Bush looks really relieved to be retired. Obama looks impatient.

Holy crap. There’s a crazy-ass preacher spouting some religion now. That country has about as much separation of church and state as Iran.

I think Obama needs to pee.

This is the most hilarious reading of The Lords Prayer ever. They should have gotten Shatner.

Aretha Franklin! She’s still alive? I though she died last year. They re-animated Aretha Franklin for this? Now that’s power. She’s wearing truly the most ridiculous hat I’ve ever seen. It’s like a KGB version of Minnie Mouse’s bow. That’s no way to treat a zombie. Making them wear silly hats.

Now they’re going to swear in Biden. Sworn in. Quick and sweet.

More music. Sad music by John Williams. Obama has to crane his neck to watch Yo-Yo Ma.

So far no one has attempted to assassinate Obama. At least, not on camera.

The music just got happier. Jaunty even. Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo are having a throw-down string-shredding duel. Now the music is taking a heroic, epic quality. Ends oddly wistful.

It’s Obama’s turn. Oooh, he stumbles slightly. Apparently it was the Chief Justice’s fault. Obama’s probably going to have him killed after the show. Done and done. I suspect he’s about to make a speech. Yep, he’s making one. And he’s making crazy promises about using science to solve all of America’s problems. Well, why not? No one believes these speeches anyway. Wow, he just talked smack to the terrorists. He just called atheists "non-believers." Not very PC.

Finally. That was a long 18 minutes. Still no one has attempted to assassinate Obama. And that’s still a lot of people.

And now a poet? WTF? There’s more? I’m turning this off now. As I assume many people are. Let me know if somebody shoots Obama.

Jerks, soft eating + Chinese Astrology

Jerk I, originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» Last weekend we made a ridiculous cake. We had to out-do ourselves this weekend and attempt something more ridiculous. We made beef jerky in the oven. I was convinced it’d be a disaster like in Into the Wild. But it was so easy I became convinced Alexander Supertramp was even more of a one man Failblog than before. Okay, sure, we were dealing with a much smaller portion of meat, probably a better knife, and had a source of heat we could control. But still, it was easier than making fluffy pancakes.

» Other culinary events of the weekend were our vegetarian chilli (made with real meat!) and Aussie Black Opal Licorice. Scratch that. Aussie Black Opal “Soft Eating” Licorice. The inclusion of “eating” on the label is important because it has the consistency of caulking putty. In a pinch you could probably use it as window caulking.

» I finally mixed down the song Mandi and I recorded together. She’s a horse and I’m a rat in the Chinese astrological calendar. It’s supposed to be one of the worst pairings possible. But luckily she isn’t a “fire horse” because then I wouldn’t live out my full lifespan. The song is called Chinese Astrology and has nothing to do with Chinese Democracy.

Worldview, blackout, how + bad Boy

Ampersand Publishing Podcasts, originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» I’m addicted to checking out the stats on Ampersand Publishing Podcasts. Above you can see the distribution of our listeners worldwide. That’s pretty neat. Nerd Hurdles #3 is on fan-fiction.

» The power went out last night knocked out the subways in the west-end. It took me two hours to get to work on the bus. I also almost froze to death waiting for that bus. In the end I had to improvise an elaborate scheme just to find a bus that wasn’t full. Perhaps it only involved crossing to the other side of the road. I was impressed with my ingenuity nonetheless.

» Yesterday I mocked WikiHow on Twitter and they tweeted me back. Do they search for all tweets for those including "wikihow" in the text? It was unnerving. I wonder if they’ll comment on this blog.

» Do you think Audun Carlsen said to Boy George, "Do you really want to hurt me?" Or is that joke in poor taste? I was shocked it wasn’t used in this Star article. But then, maybe I’m not very charitable towards the Star.

Hideous cake + sincerity

Feeding Time 1, originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» Mandi and I were googling "hideous cake" the other night—don’t ask, we don’t remember why—and after looking at dozens of pictures of hideous (and not-so-hideous) cakes we both came to the conclusion we needed to make a hideous cake. Or if not hideous, ridiculous.

It seemed obvious that the animals, ninjas and creatures from the muffcakes Shara made for my birthday would be involved. It also seemed obvious we’d force her to eat the whole thing and we’d video it. Obviously, that didn’t happen or you’d have seen it on YouTube already. Instead she and Tom brought over a bottle of wine and we each had a piece and then googled "hideous cakes" and "growlers" and the history of the "Split Crow" pub logo. Nerd party.

They also told us about the new festival they’re organizing. Sincerity Fest. I blurted out, "Are you being ironic?" But I was assured it was a sincere celebration of sincerity. Intriguing. Perhaps the Great Pumkin will show up.

Salt-T-Dog

Morning 1
Originally uploaded by Ampersand Photography.

» I can’t tell if I’ve come to embrace walking to the subway station in the near dark or if I’m merely resigned to it. This morning it was accompanied with sleet being blustered into my face. The sidewalks were mostly clear though, for once, since people had been given a day or two to shovel and salt between significant snowfalls. There are still a few bastards living on the east side of Runnymede who seem to think a snow swamp is an acceptable terrain for pedestrians. At least the two inches of ice have melted. I was considering renting a rototiller to break it up along Annette. Maybe one with a seeder attached which would sprinkle salt as I go. Or, on a more practical note, I was considering one of those seed pouches you wear on your hip. I’d be like Johhny Appleseed only I’d be spreading salt and abuse instead of apple seeds and mirth. Jakob Safe-T-Salt.