Shit show, makin’ some copies, hang-out + zombie encounter

October 31, 2007

~  I tried to go to the Health Force Ontario interview yesterday but was unable to find the building. The building should have been easy to find except Google Maps claims it exists exactly where it does not. What is there is 258, I’m looking for 288. I’m not too worried as it’s 3:10 and my interview isn’t until 3:30. But the thing is the woman who was supposed to interview me was adamant the interview would be over at 3:45 because she, under no circumstances, works later than 3:45. This seems dodgy to me, a mere fifteen minutes to sell myself, question her about the job and show my portfolio, but judging by her demeanor on the phone I was getting the queasy feeling fifteen minutes in a room with her is about all I’d want.

Unable to find the 288 by the usual means (a street number on the building where Goggle Maps claims it should be), I decided to use the visual directions given to me on the phone. She claimed the building was having “a little construction” done to it and was “kitty-korner” from Ryerson and has a Tim Horton’s on the bottom floor. The building having massive construction done to it (with Tim Hortons on the bottom floor) is, in fact ,across the street from Ryerson, but why quibble. So I go there. The only number I can find is 300. Also, the building is completely off-limits to the public right now. Except for the Tim Horton’s which is business as usual, complete with homeless valet opening the door for you. So I follow a pair of construction workers going in from the work-site and ask them if they know how to get into 288. They have no clue. The one that looked like Billy Bob Thorton gone-to-seed (and the day after a rough night) tells me it has to be back across the street at 258. So I go back in case I missed it. No, 288 would have to be right in the middle of Dundas Square, which is a whole other level of surreal modernist dis-comfort worthy of a post in itself. Dundas Square is a large bleak cement triangle in the middle of three streets furnished with chrome café tables and chairs and a few huge video screens. So standing in the middle of this urban purgatory, looking at my watch (3:35) I decide to fuck it and go to HMV. The new Underworld album is, by the way, awesome.

~ The first issue if PLOG: P[aper b[LOG] is finished. And available for any who wish a copy. All I have to say about it is: Kinkos is bullshit.

~ I found my new Blackball Records. Had a nice chat with the dude at Pandemonium. We talked about grow-ops and the need for an art-supply store on the westside.

~ I forgot it was halloween today. I saw a girl with blackened eyes and one pant leg ripped right off. I thought she’d been rolled then realized she was supposed to be a zombie. 



October 30, 2007

 ~ Yesterday after my interview at the ad agency, which went really well by the way, I saw an odd thing on the train. There was this group of 12 or 13 year old girls who got on, probably 15 of them, with some kind of chaperon. I say “some kind” of chaperon because she barely acknowledged them and seemed to be alternately trying to visibly remove herself from them or steal their seats. She didn’t try to reign-in their behaviour at all, or herd them when they got to their stop. So, when they got to their stop, the kids spent so much time horsing around five of them didn’t make it off the train before the doors closed with that portentous cha-chunk of “you’re not getting off this train.” Hilarity ensued as the kids who made it onto the platform pointed and laughed at their stranded sisters who giggled back at them, shrugged and made a plan to get off at the next station then double-back. When they got to the next station, though, only four of them got off. The fifth girl just stood their staring at the open doors and calmly, blankly watched them close behind her classmates who had already skipped halfway down the platform lost in a world of giggling. After the train started moving, the girl walked down to the next set of doors. She got off at the next stop. I think she just decided to fuck the lot of them and go home. I thought: That kid. Is awesome.  

~ Today I have another interview with something called Health Force Ontario. I guess super-hero doctors need graphic designers too. Which gets me to thinking about X-Men and how an awesome story would be Dr. Xavier meeting with a design firm to work on their branding. I’d like to see someone pitching the name X-men to him after he fired the first firm for pitching Mutant Justice Knights and a big M-in-a-shield logo. 

Junk + shithole

October 27, 2007

~ I bought a plaid shirt at the Church Sale. Apparently all the old ladies in Baby Point stuck their fingers down the throats of their closets to make them spew up all manner of ancient garments over several folding tables. Ovens were also forced to expell dodgy baked-goods and children’s rooms had their stomach pumped of broken toys and incomplete boardgames.

~ Later we went to Etobicoke to retrieve a parcel from Purolator. They wouldn’t give it to us because Nicole’s ID has our previous address on it. Nicole almost blew a gasket. Before I visited Toronto I had this image in my head it was a total shithole. Today I realized the image I had in my head of Toronto was actually of Etobicoke. You can see pictures of it in this photo gallery.


Asses assessed, god’s goods + applied arts applied for

October 26, 2007

 ~ Yesterday I was interviewed by a design placement agency. Their InDesign assessment somewhat kicked my ass. Or the test was overly anal about hard vs. soft carriage returns. Either way, asses were involved. The woman who’s representing me there, my agent, seemed lukewarm on my abilities as well as my existence on the planet as a human being. Today’s interview with another agency went much better. My work and existence were both appreciated to a much higher degree. I also scored much higher on the software assessments.

~ Tomorrow morning we’re going to a church sale then heading off to Etobicoke to pick up a missed Purolator shipment of Nicole’s. 

~ I have an actual job interview for Senior Graphic Designer on monday with a company I apparently applied to. I can’t find any record of that, but I must have in my frenzy of applications. I went a little crazy with the indiscriminant job applications last week. 


Seer, grill + ween

October 25, 2007

 ~ We went to Tori Amos the other night. The guy who opened was named Yoav and was so stupendously bad, it was impressive. He was basically James Blunt with a looper pedal and no testicles. Tori’s show was good except I think the (excellent) light show gave me permanent retinal hemorrhaging.

~ I have assessment interviews (software tests/portfolio reviews) with graphic design placement agencies today and tomorrow morning. For these I actually purchased, and plan to wear, (egads) a polo/golf shirt.

~ I’m cutting back on the caffeine intake again. Haven’t been sleeping well at night.

Escape, zine, puns + first quiz in a long time

October 22, 2007

~ Today the Landlady is coming by with the Boilerman to kick up the furnace for the winter. I plan to be conspiculously absent as I don’t know if I can handle the landlady’s neurotic prattle on my own. Plus there’s a few pictures of Torontoddities I want to snap before they cease to exist.

~ The job search goes slow today (one posting to apply to: probably too far north; pays crappy) and the phone is eerily silent. So I’m starting a new zine called PLOG: P[aper B]log.

~ Nathan walked all the way to my place yesterday which is an insane feat of feet usage. He must have walked for longer than we hung out. He did slip me Adobe CS3 though which is, so far, a pretty sweet suite.

1.) What curse word do you use the most?
I’m a traditionalist: Fuck.

2.) Do you own an iPod?
No a meek little Creative MP3 player with a mere 256mb or something. It’s full at 60 songs on it at the moment. Nicole wants us to get a Nano to share though. I run iTunes on my laptop though.

3.) Who on your Facebook Top Friends do you talk to the most?
I don’t have “Top Friends” because it’s too MySpacey.

4.) What time is your alarm clock set for?
Either 5:55 or 6:46 depending on if Nicole is jogging that morning.

6.) Flip flops or sneakers?

7.) Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
When people take pictures of me I tend to look either retarded or like a lardwhale or sometimes a retarded lardwhale. So I take the pictures.

8.) What was the last movie you watched?
We’re watching Six Feet Under now until the forseen future.

9.) Do any of your friends have children?
Yes. Peter does. Helen does. Anyone else? I think Mike and Ade are going there.

10.) Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Everyone who’s ever been 16 and had a parent has been called lazy.

11.) Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
Nicole forced me to take something called Calms Forte a while back. When I was overweight and waking up with the heartburn, I used to try to knock myself out with valerian tea.

12.) What CD is currently in your CD player?
The new Radiohead… no that was download only… the new Neubauten advance… oh right download too… uh… I guess CocoRosie was the last CD I played.

13.) Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Uh, chocolate milk is full of puss and blood, you morons.

14.) Has anyone told you a secret this week?
I hope not. Because no one told me they were secrets… It’s not my fault if I blab your secrets.

15.) Have you ever given someone a hickey?
Yes. When I was like 18.

16.) Who was the last person to call you?
My parents.

17.) Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
I’vemade a career of it.

18.) Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Nope. We didn’t have cable. This pissed me off my entire childhood. I felt cheated of my cultural right to watch Rocket Robinhood.

19.) How many siblings do you have?

20.) Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Only when I’m single.

21.) What movie do you know every line to?
Star Wars, Warriors, Streets of Fire, probably Breakfast Club if push came to shove.

22.) Do you own any band t-shirts?
Joy Division

23.) What is your favorite salad dressing?
Dressing is gross. Plus people eat salads because they’re healthy and then cover them in oil, bacon and cheese. I don’t get it.

24.) Do you read for fun?
I only read for fun.

25.) Do you cry alot?
No. I seem to ahve stopped crying. I don’t know if this is possitive for worrying.

27.) Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Lappy 486.

28.) Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?

29.) What is the weather like?
Let me check my iGoogle widget: 17C, Clear, wind SW at 3 km/h, 68% humidity.

30.) Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Seems I am.

31.) Is sex before marriage wrong?
No more than marriage before sex.

32.) When was the last time you slept on the floor?
My bed is on the floor, so last night.

33.) How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Between 8 and 10.

34.) Are you in love or lust?

35.) Are your days full and fast-paced?
I’m unemployed and trying to keep myself out of trouble.

36.) Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
I do now.

37.) How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

38.) Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Yes, but I don’t rea

39.) Have you ever been to Six Flags?
No. I only have a vague idea of what it is anyway.

40.) Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
Meh. I get along better with people who aren’t rednecks or privilaged.

41.) Do you like Cottage Cheese?
No more than I like curdled vomit.

42.) Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?

43.) Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
Yes. A Korg synth.

44.) Do you enjoy giving hugs?
No. I’m not a touchy-feely pervert, I mean, person.

45) What song did you last sing out loud?
I was singing along to Cheap Trick’s “Surrender” the other day while walking.

46) What is your favorite TV show?
Six Feet Under.

47) Which celebrity dead or alive would you want to have lunch with?
I’d like Tom Cruise to explain Scientology to me.

48) Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
The airport?

49) What one thing do you wish you had?
A job. Or a career. Or just shitloads of money. Or superpowers.

50) Favorite Lyrics?

I think…  “Famous Blue Raincoat” 

It’s four in the morning, the end of december
I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
New york is cold, but I like where I’m living
There’s music on clinton street all through the evening.

I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
You’re living for nothing now, I hope you’re keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You’d been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without lili marlene

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody’s wife.

[Famous Blue Raincoat lyrics on
Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see jane’s awake —

She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I’m glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear

— sincerely, l. cohen

Rugs, Temp + the whore of Babel-on

October 20, 2007

~ We might go out looking for rugs today. It’s in our lease, actually, that we need to buy rugs because the woman downstairs complains about people walking above her. She’s lives in a basement suite. We’re not sure how we’d get rugs home once we find them.

~ I found three graphic design temping agencies in Toronto (one is international, actually). One accepted my resumé and portfolio online, I have to call another back on monday to go over my resumé and I still need to apply to the other. Seems like a lot of work for a non-permanent position.

~ I enjoyed The Urbane Decay ReverbNation site so much (unlimited song uploads, the ability to charge money for downloads, hassle-free upload interface), I made one for Babel as well. I think clicking on the player takes you to the page.

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