Lost Pet Jet

May 19, 2011

I guess somebody left the back door open and it got out. It probably smelled another toy plane in heat.

Ice Ice Planter

April 25, 2011

Some people will tell you, Vanilla Ice is the only surefire scarecrow. Works on racoons and small children  too.

Boston Cream

April 21, 2011

Click to embiggen.

Boston Terriers are not permitted to stand in front of cupcake swirls.

Junction of Eden

April 19, 2011

Click to embiggen.

Something I miss about living in Little Malta (a.k.a. The Junction) are the really tasteful garden displays.

In case you were wondering, the story here is if you pour virgin’s blood into the fountain under the full moon, the animals come to life. Don’t ask what happens to the boot.

Poop On a Door

January 18, 2011

Yup. Someone pooped on a door. I kind of hope they were trying to get it in the mail slot. I kind of wish I saw this happen. “10” for effort.

It makes me want to write a modern hip-hop lyric:

Git yer doodie on tha door

Of course, it’s meant to be a sexual metaphor, not taken literally.

At least the tire stopped

January 11, 2011

“Those all-way stops are confusing, huh?”

“Yeah, well, you shoulda seen the other car.”

Nature is Horrible (NSFW or your soul)

December 24, 2010

If you go out in the woods today, you’re in for a SOUL-DESTROYING surprise. Half a raccoon. That’s not a picnic at all. Though the top half of the raccoon might have been something’s picnic treat. I guess that’s okay; the circle of life and all. It’s okay, that is, until you look at the other end of the corpse.

Oh, hey! This raccoon has been raped! Oh lovely. Where’s the hydrochloric acid? I have a set of eyes that need to be burned out. And if there’s any left over maybe I can BURN THE MEMORY OUT OF MY BRAIN.

Merry Christmas!

Your friendly neighborhood Buried Radiation Hazard

December 20, 2010

If you walk west out of Etobicoke’s Marie Curtis Park, you’ll come across the above scene. A mound of dirt with a chain link fence surrounding it. You’ll say to the person you’re with, “Does that sign say what I think it says?”

It does. Around the corner, the notice below is posted.

You’ll probably then say, “Well, I didn’t expect we’d see that today!”

Fremen baby unclogs your pipes

December 3, 2010

It makes sense that the Fremen would have mad plumbing skills. That’s how they were able to control the water on Arrakis. All I can say is you don’t know the meaning of the word “unsettled” until you’ve had one of these guys stare at you from the van you’re stuck behind for half an hour. Alia could only hope to be half as creepy as this bambino. In related news, apparently she isn’t creepy at all now. Who knew?

By the way, this isn’t a one of a kind van. It’s part of a whole fleet of terror. We spotted several over the last year though we think they’ve changed since their graphics to a sort of horrifying Mike Myers/John Ritter “friendly plumber” hybrid. Better than a spice-addicted cherub about to bludgeon you with a monkey wrench, I suppose.

Oh, hey, here’s another picture of Alicia Witt who apparently isn’t, as rumoured, going to be the new Mary Jane in the Spiderman reboot.

Got him!

November 25, 2010

It might look like overkill, but you know for sure you got that pesky mannequin when you drop a dumpster on it.

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