Lost Pet Jet

May 19, 2011

I guess somebody left the back door open and it got out. It probably smelled another toy plane in heat.

Ice Ice Planter

April 25, 2011

Some people will tell you, Vanilla Ice is the only surefire scarecrow. Works on racoons and small children  too.

Boston Cream

April 21, 2011

Click to embiggen.

Boston Terriers are not permitted to stand in front of cupcake swirls.

Junction of Eden

April 19, 2011

Click to embiggen.

Something I miss about living in Little Malta (a.k.a. The Junction) are the really tasteful garden displays.

In case you were wondering, the story here is if you pour virgin’s blood into the fountain under the full moon, the animals come to life. Don’t ask what happens to the boot.

Poop On a Door

January 18, 2011

Yup. Someone pooped on a door. I kind of hope they were trying to get it in the mail slot. I kind of wish I saw this happen. “10” for effort.

It makes me want to write a modern hip-hop lyric:

Git yer doodie on tha door

Of course, it’s meant to be a sexual metaphor, not taken literally.

Fremen baby unclogs your pipes

December 3, 2010

It makes sense that the Fremen would have mad plumbing skills. That’s how they were able to control the water on Arrakis. All I can say is you don’t know the meaning of the word “unsettled” until you’ve had one of these guys stare at you from the van you’re stuck behind for half an hour. Alia could only hope to be half as creepy as this bambino. In related news, apparently she isn’t creepy at all now. Who knew?

By the way, this isn’t a one of a kind van. It’s part of a whole fleet of terror. We spotted several over the last year though we think they’ve changed since their graphics to a sort of horrifying Mike Myers/John Ritter “friendly plumber” hybrid. Better than a spice-addicted cherub about to bludgeon you with a monkey wrench, I suppose.

Oh, hey, here’s another picture of Alicia Witt who apparently isn’t, as rumoured, going to be the new Mary Jane in the Spiderman reboot.

Got him!

November 25, 2010

It might look like overkill, but you know for sure you got that pesky mannequin when you drop a dumpster on it.

Squirrel Stairs

November 2, 2010

Submitted by Sophie Idsinga

sometimes you have to feel bad for the squirrels of Toronto. Once again construction is obstructing their stairways and elevators. However will they get into the trees? And why is it the loons and the seals are never inconvenienced? It’s because squirrels are black, isn’t it?

Interesting also that washrooms apparently are just to the right but if you don’t want to climb a barrier to get to them, you’ll need to go to City Hall. Where there’s never any barrier to defecation (bah-ha).

If you go out in the woods today…

August 6, 2010

In my darkest nightmares, this is the gang that swarms me and feeds on my entrails while singing Teddy Bears’ Picnic. True story.

Church of Snack Pac

July 13, 2010

Apparently “all welcome” only applies to children 5 to 11. Also, the vague bullet point of “Puppets” leaves room for interpretation. As if the children are being turned into God’s puppets. Which is, I would assume, the point of this club.

Interesting how bible stories is tacked on the end almost as an afterthought. I like the prominence given to snack pacs. I wonder if they tell the kids gluttony is a sin before or after they’re given the snack pac.

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