Spam Jams: Parkinson Jack (Part 2)

For the last week, as transgendered escort Clintina Supanova, I’ve been immersed in a conversation with an internet scam artist going by the dubious name “Parkinson Jack”. Read the first part of our interactions here.

You will remember that when we last left Clintina and Parkinson, Clintina was having trouble figuring out how to even get Parkinson the money he was attempting to extort from her. Clintina was also confused about Parkinson’s use of various contradictory, gender-specific pronouns in reference to the lawyer who was drawing up some mysterious, but potentially lucrative, financial documents. Parkinson tried to clear these matters up with his next message.

Attn:Clintina
  
Thank you for your kind response.
Let me clear the issued to you clintina for you not to make any kind of mistake to send the money to the right office.
The lawyer is a man not a woman? the secretary to the lawyer is a woman dont miscoated me,why i said you will send the money to the secretary is that the lawyer always a busy somebody the lawyer have instruct her secretary to send her information to you where to send the money to for easer pick up of the money.

  
You have to listen to what i told you to do for you not to make any kind of mistake to send the money to wrong name again you have to speed up to send the money today and remember that what you have to send is half of the total service charges fee which is US$2,50.00 after finalizing the document from court you will balance another US$2,50.00 is that clear to you before we move ahead because i woudn’t like situation where we will put a confusion to the progress of this transaction.
  
Did you understood my advice and correction of the explanation if yes go ahead but make sure you are capable to handle the fund wisely in your posession,please i want you to clear this point out to me your passport is a india identity are you nationality of india let me know the country you came from and let me know where you live presently because this fund is a huge of fund because i need honest/kind person to handle this fund for investment very well. If you have accepted to send the half of the charges today let me know so that i can send you the lawyer secretary name where to send the require fee to then the process can start immediately effect without any delay.
  
Note:Do copy me any information/update from the lawyer for me to advice you way forward.
  
Send the western union money transfer payment slip to the lawyer information as follow below:
McCann FitzGerald (Legal Executive)
RedBrick & Associate Chamber
St. Michael’s House, 1 George Yard
Lombard Street, EC3V 9DF
England, London, UK
Tel: +447 035 957 295
Private E-Mail:
RedBrick.Associate@lawyer.com

This is great. Now we can finally move forward to get our hands on that 70.5 million. By “our hands” I mean Clintina’s. Over the course of the week I’ve felt the distinction between myself and Ms. Supanova become a little fuzzier with every email. Anyway we weren’t really sure what “US$2,50.00” is supposed to be. It’s clearly some kind of monetary notation I’m not familiar with (and neither is Clintina). Two dollars and fifty cents? Let’s go with that.

Okay. I will get the money order for US$2.50 later today sent to McCann FitzGerald. That’s much cheaper than I expected. Thank you so much for bearing with me.

Not to get off track, but since Parkinson won’t have it any other way, that morning he also proved himself to be a truly caring individual with a surprisingly strong knowledge of “hormone sickness.” I’m not sure what the point of this email is except it must be one of those confidence building techniques from which the “confidence scam” gets its name.

Dear Clintina
  
Sorry to heard about your hormone sickness by god grace you shall be ok just make sure you relax very well after closing hour of your work and always consult a good doctor to treat you very well,i have a uncle that has the same hormone sickness but the presured as come down now because he relax very well thats the advice the doctor give to him.
  
Hormone is a substance, usually a peptide or steroid, produced by one tissue and conveyed by the bloodstream to another to effect physiological activity,i know after this transaction have been concluded you will have to come to UK for special treatment with the same doctor my uncle use for treatment.
  
This transaction will be concluded this week and do your best in order to make this fund get to your account as soon as possible thanks.

Of course Clintina was very touched by his concern.

Thanks again for your concern. It is clear to me you only have my best interests at heart.
 
Once I get the US$70.5 million, I suppose I will be able to go anywhere in the whole wide world. I will come to the UK for that treatment.
 
Can I stay with you while I find an apartment? I’ll pay for my own groceries. Thanks.
 
You’re not allergic to ferrets are you?
Clintina

Parkinson, I have to assume, wanted to assure Clintina of his sincerity in this matter and did not send the following email in his usual Comic Sans font.

Dear Clintina
 
Hope you are ok make sure you read all my last email to you very well before you reply to me i want you to know that i have you in my heart all the time please i want you to keep this transaction as secret to yourself,its very dangeruos to tell any third parties for your security purposed.
 
Remember i care for you and i dont want anything to hurt you this is my concern go ahead to conclude this transaction and do take any drug which doctor gave to you for you to get stronger very well take good care of urself do get back to me with poistive response.
 
HAVE A LOVELY DAY.

It’s really very touching how Parkinson is giving Clintina all this personal attention. He’s obviously concerned for her. Also he’s strangely concerned she might be telling “third parties” of this delicate transaction.

You are so sweet. I am truly blessed to have someone looking out for my interests. I have been telling my doctor all about you and what you’re doing for me. He says I shouldn’t trust you but I know your heart is true.
 
Don’t worry, I’m taking all my medicines. They make me vomit sometimes but they are worth it.
 
Clintina

Apparently this news of the doctor gets Parkinson’s wind up. Or at least Parkinson’s other personality has cottoned on to the fact Clinton/Clintina is a total flake.

Subject: WARNING OF THE TERMINATION OF THE TRANSACTION‏

Thank you to hear that you are so sweet too clintina.
Remember i warn you not to tell any one about this transaction i dont think you have secret to keep word in your mind,if your doctor did not trust me thank to hear that because he did not know me anywhere thats the real true but am very honset and sincere to anybody.

  
Please sorry to ask this question; you bearing CLINTON PARKER HILL and at the same time bearing CLINTINA SUPANOVA am so scared to continue with this transaction with you because the information you provide earlier is wrong later you appologies for providing the wrong information you have to prove your honesty to me.
  
Once again tell me if you are sending the half of the charges today because the lawyer was so annoyed of delaying this transaction very the lawyer will travel to ARGENTINA for official assignment let round this transaction up before the weeks runs out.

This is where Mccann Fitzgerald of Redbrick Associates and a possible third player (or dissociative identity?) gets into the game.

Attn: Clintina Supanova
  
IN RESPECT OF THE PROCESS OF THE DOCUMENT I HAVE SENT MY SECRETARY TO SEND THE INFORMATION OF HER NAME TO YOU FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY PLEASE GO AHEAD TO MAKE THE PAYMENT.
  
BEDBRICK & ASSOCIATES
MCCANN FITZGERALD.
 

Wow. Not only does McCann Fitzgerald clarify that he, in fact, works for “Bedbrick Associates” and not “Redbrick” (I guess Parkinson got that wrong), he’s a master of the bold ALL CAPS. Since I’ve never received a letter from a lawyer before I can only assume that’s how lawyers speak. Very forcefully and authoritative. Something like Perry Mason.

MCCANN FITZGERALD,
 
OKAY I WILL DO THAT TODAY! ONCE I GET YOUR SECRETARY’S NAME I WILL SEND THE MONEY. WHY ARE WE YELLING? ARE THE VOICES LOUD FOR YOU TOO? I CAN HARDLY THINK. I LIKE YOUR TWO FIRST NAMES. OR ARE THEY LAST NAMES?
 
CLINTINA SUPANOVA.

Anyway, remember how I’d told Parkinson I’d sent $2.50 to the lawyer? Things get even stranger now. I’m clearly either dealing with two or more people working on one scam or, as I’m beginning to suspect, Parkinson Jack is completely insane.

Subject: MY MISTAKE CLINTINA

Dear Clintina
 
I have not told you to send the money to McCann Fitzgerald, McCann Fitzgerald is the lawyer name?
I made a big mistake for the amount to send through western union money transfer to the secretary the amount to send is $250.50.000.00 in word is TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLAR thats is the amount you will send today.
 
Please dont send the money to McCann Fitzgerald if you are ready to send the half amount of $5.100.000.00 let me know so that i will send you the secretary name where you will send the money to,again you have not answer my question”which country are you from tell me i need to know about you very because i dont want to be in problem at the end of the day.
 
The money which you are to send today is  $250.50.000.00 get back to me right now because the lawyer is waiting for the payment right now.
 
Best Regard.

I’m even less sure of what “$250.50.000.00” is but I know it’s not “two thousand five hundred and fifty” dollars. Regardless, Clintina was naturally quite upset about this development.

Oh noes!
 
I already sent McCann Fitzgerald the $2.50 USD money order. Can you get it back for me since you know them so well.
 
Best, Clintina

What a dilemma! Not to worry, Parkinson Jack is on the case. With two very different replies.

Dear clintina
  
Please go back to there office and get your money back,you know amount to send which i send you the total cost of all the document why are you delaying this trasnsaction moreover i have not instruct you to send any money to McCann Fitzgerald i told you if you are ready to send the half of the Total sum of  US$5,100.00 you should let me know i dont think you are capable to handle this fund wisely in your posession.
  
Go ahead to prove to me that you will send half of this amount today US$5,100.00 if yes get to me so that i can give you information of name where you will send the money to thanks.
 

Best Regard.

Dear Clintina
 
Please i want to know where you are right now is it india or where this is very important because the paying bank will send the fund this week and i dont want any kind of delay concerning this transaction,again the MCCANN FITZGERALD is lawyer name not my name pls make sure you follow any instruction i gave to you because without my order the fund will not get to your account.
 
I will get you sweet apartment once you come to UK and again are you married or still single because main looking at you in your passport you are so young and preety,i want you to give me full assurance today you will send the money and dont exposed this transaction because the fund involve is a huge amount for security reason,if you are ready let me know so that i can send you the name of the lawyer secretary information as soon as possible thanks.

How are you hope you are getting better as such,I always call you on phone you dont pick up my call if you have alternative cell line kindly give me so that i can reach you for more advice concerning this transaction thanks.
 
Have A Nice Rest.

The first Parkinson Jack is kind of a jerk.  But the other one! What a sweet-talker! And he’s going to find Clintina a sweet apartment. Of course he also seems to feel I am—er, I mean Clintina is—not capable to handle this fund wisely in my possession. Probably true. Especially since I (she) didn’t answer his three telephone calls that morning . What would Clintina say? Anyhow, She (I?) chose to respond to the second, more friendly email.

Yes, I am still single. How nice of you to say I’m pretty. 
 
Can you send me a picture of yourself? I am very curious what you look like. I bet you are as kind and handsome as you seem in letters.

That is so odd you’ve been having trouble getting a hold of me by telephone. Maybe we should meet in person as that would be safer. Are you able to meet me in Mumbai? I am too sick to travel to the UK right now.

Clintina xo

Parkinson Jack naturally takes the bait and responds to Clintina’s more affectionate tone. I imagine he looks exactly like Danny Ocean. Romance is just part of how he weasels money out of damsels in distress. It’s a good play.

Dear Clintina
  
Wow thats so lovely to hear that clintina let get this transaction done first before i will know what to do about you.
But you have not answer my question regarding where you live and your country of origin i want you to know this is very important why dont you want to tell me more about yourself,i want you to send the money today because you are taking lawyer time if you cannot send the money today the lawyer will went to court to change your name from the court file then i will look for serious person thanks.
  
I love you clintina.

Hmm, not exactly George Clooney. It seems he’s lead me, I mean Clintina (it’s really getting hard to keep it straight), astray a little. His name is actually, not too surprisingly, Jack Parkinson who, I would assume, was a previous mark in one of this guy’s schemes.  Well, to say the least, he’s a bit older than Clintina expected. But before she can blast off a response, Jack strikes while the iron is hot.

Subject: LET ME TRUST CLINTINA

Let finalised this transaction first after the fund have been in your account in mumbai i will travel to meet you to start invest the fund in your posession,you have to send the money in order to conclude the document from court before the i can make my mind to come down.
  
If you are ready to send the money to me inform me so that i can send you the name where to send the money to and do get back to me with positive answer so that we can move ahead today.
  
Dont let your doctor confused you concerning this transaction which i warn you dont tell anybody is very risky and security purposed.
  
Give me your assurance that you are very honest girl and take good care of yourself very well again i dont want anything to hurt you kiss you.
  
My Love For Ever.

 Love For Ever. What more could a girl want? Seems to me the sly dog is coming on a little strong. Clintina was, after all, just being a little flirtatious. I (myself, not Clintina) find the mantra in the subject line quite amusing but she’s offended he didn’t have the decency to even Photoshop George Clooney’s face onto his passport.

Dear Jack,
 
Thank you for sending me a copy of your passport photo. You are much older than I expected. I feel you have deceived me. I thought you were young and handsome. It pains me to say but my eyes and heart feel very bad to look at you. My ferrets and I will not be coming to the UK to stay in your apartment.
 
I do not think I can trust you now in this business venture.
 
Heartbroken,
Clintina

Subject: BE HONEST

Dear Clintina

Please tell me if you are in or out in this transaction.am not hear for game or play older in age does have nothing to do with this project,i dont think you are straight forward somebody from the beginning of your response you have been corning to me,did you want to married me why are you saying young and handsome this and that,am working oh behalf of a company as a consultant this fund is not my fund its my client fund this is why i always ask you if you are capable to handle this fund in your posession which you tell yes.
 
If you are not interested kindly tell me so that i can send a letter to the court and paying bank that you are not the beneficiary of the fund any more,by tomorrow i will send you a letter of withdrawal to sign it and return it back to me for evidence that you are not beneficiary of the fund any more,as you cannot trust me any more let put a stop to it i will search for another honest client to have the fund for investment project is it husband you are looking for or business partner this business can make a rich forever then solve all your problem get back to me asap.
 
Regard.

I have to give it to Jack, he’s not one to take things laying down. He isn’t going to let some floozy place blame at his door. He’s the one who’s been wronged here. Of course, Clintina has something to say about that.

Be honest? BE HONEST??? I have been honest with you from the beginning. It is you who has not been honest with me.
 
I no longer want to be part of this business. Tell the court and bank to remove my name from any documents.
 
Goodbye.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see if this is The End. I would assume Jack is the type of fellow who knows when to “fold ’em”, as the song goes, but time will tell. He’s certainly not short of surprises.

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4 Responses to Spam Jams: Parkinson Jack (Part 2)

  1. mrdapper says:

    Comments from Facebook:

    .

    Miranda Nelson Oh my god, you’re hilarious. I love Clintina.

    Chris Busch I’ve seen stuff like this before, but never this funny and epic. Please keep it up, Mr. Dapper.

    Nick Thornton I’m waiting for the “what would Clintina Supanova do?” t-shirt to appear

    Nathan Sz totally awesome!

    Jenni Bosworth I love you more than I love kittens.
    Brilliant.

    Chelsee Damen okay. so seriously. get two scammers on your hook at the same time and just send their messages to each other and watch the nonsense spin out of control.

    Wildrose Redweed lol. way to make me stay at work for an extra 20 minutes.

    Mikael Ejenäs aww i thought there was hope for love prevailing

  2. Ari says:

    My goodness this was an entertaining adventure.

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