» People here are in a panic about the pair of "perfect storms" coming our way on Friday and Sunday. Environment Canada has used the word "snowmageddon" to describe the situation. The blargosphere has jumped on this like a pack of  coked-up squirrels on can of party nuts. I’m apparently one of those virtual vermin beating this dead horse back to life only to stuff it in a snowbank of overcooked metaphors with the snow-blower of cynicism and rubbing the Safe-T-Salt of subreference-heavy run-on sentences in the frost-bitten wound of this cold story.

A statement from Environment Canada says: The term ‘snow-mageddon’ is not meant to alarm anyone or make light of the situation. Yes, there is clearly nothing alarmist nor ridiculous about the term snowmageddon. But it’s good they cleared up any confusion someone might have upon reading the word and panicking or laughing and ignoring the report as entirely ludicrous. The latter, perhaps, being my own reaction.

But since I am flying out on Sunday, I’ve been duly checking weather sites. Just in case snowmaggedon really happens. The dire forecast is:
Friday: Light snow, 10-15 cm
Sunday: Light snow, 5-10 cm

That’s 5-25 cm of blinding white apocalypse if I ever heard of one. Ontarians keep lamenting to me that we newcomers think they’re pussies about the weather. Well, it’s because you all are. Now maybe it will be God’s icy hand of wrath unleashed this weekend, but in my experience 15 cm of snow is not the end of the world. Unless you grew up in Ontario. In which case clearly Al-Quaeda has built a weather machine destructo-ray and aimed it at Toronto.

But, honestly, snowmageddon is such a good work, how could they not use it? I’ve used it seven times here.

» If you really want to talk about snowmageddon, the Ellesmere Island ice shelf broke off.

» Nearly as good a term is Christmassacre. The P-Reviews x-mas special of sorts.

4 Responses to Snowmageddon

  1. Anonymous says:

    the weather gods will forsake you for laughing in face of snowmageddon my friend.

    And, yes, Torontonians are useless in the snow. Let’s not forget the time when the Army was called in several years ago because we got a 100cm of snow. My relatives in Nova Scotia mocked us for years over that one.

    the X

  2. Anonymous says:

    We could certainly use some snowmageddon on the slopes of Whistler right now. Blinding white apocalypse, I welcome you with open arms.


  3. atrophe says:

    dad reckons he’s cleared at least 2 feet of it here. i thought i was escaping it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: