Branch Day, Valentine’s Day + Elevator Man

» Yesterday was a team-building day. It wasn’t nearly as painful and angering as the Maximum Yield team-building day of last year. For one, the speaker was more amusing and less of a douchebag. If just for the fact he had the exact mannerisms, facial expressions and cadence of Tom Cruise, but in Prince Harry’s body. His name is Stuart Knight. He spoke to us on  “The Art of Powerful Conversation.” Basically he taught us how to be invasive in a  way you can’t get away with unless you’re a slick, smarmy bastard like himself. We were forced to ask each other questions like, “What would you change about yourself” and  “What have you cheated on” and “What is your biggest regret.” Otherwise, we ate a lot of chocolate and gummy worms and drank a lot of coffee. I did get to speak to Older Rockabilly Dude who I’d wanted to for a while as he rolls the cuff of his jeans into unreasonably small ringlets and has mutton-chops to rival Wolverine. He’s cantankerous as fuck. Pretty awesome. The Ozzy doppelganger from the 18th floor wasn’t there I noticed. I’m curious about what his deal is.

» Today is Valentine’s Day and I got an awesome home-made card and a veritable mountain of Lindt.

» The old janitor dude who acts as the “elevator usher” is back this morning. He pushes the button and, for our benefit, points to the elevator which has obviously arrived by the fact it has dinged and the doors are opening while holding a grimy rag in his other hand. He’s pretty rad but i’m not convinced he’s employed by the building and I always wonder if he’s fishing for tips.


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