“I hate all the orphans in the world”

Nacho Libre was quite enjoyable. The amount of grub on everyone at all times was inspired. The plot was less inspired — typical satire of the archetypal hero’s journey. Plus, forced to endure only two Tenacious D-esque songs.

Who you go to movies with, I now realize, is one of the most important choices in life. Without Makito‘s infectious laughter, I doubt it would have been half as funny. 

I felt bad about dragging Kai out though, as I was pretty sure he was going to die before the third act. I would assume he’s alive and mowing dead people today. It’s a beautiful day for it. I wish I had a job mowing dead people.

A is for age: 33
B is for booze: Need some. Need some now.
C is for career: Graphizzo Desizznit
D is for date of birth: End of November
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Wit
F is for favorite song at the moment: “Incinerate” Sonic Youth
G is for girlfriend: Gone, daddy, gone
H is for hometown: Coombs
I is for instruments you play: Guitar, bass, drums, keys
J is for jam or jelly you like: Raspberry
K is for kids: No, Trix are for kids.
L is for living arrangements: Lonely
M is for mom’s name: No, L is for my mom’s name.
N is for name of your best friend: Ken, I guess.
O is for overnight hospital stays: Yes, zerO
P is for phobias: Wasps, knife wounds, Skiing
Q is for quote you like: “Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement.”
R is for relationship that lasted longest: 7
S is for sexual position: Unemployed
T is for time you wake up: 6:30
U is for unique trait: Laugh of mirth
V is for vegetable you love: Brox
W is for worst trait: Lack of empathy.
Y is for your food you make: I make everything I eat.
Z is for zodiac sign: Saggy

Firsts:

First job: Dad’s machine shop
First funeral: That guy that died in highschool… forgotten his name. Last name was Richie because his dad was my busdriver and was a total dick. Probably because his wife had committed suicide. Anyway, everyone went to his funeral because he fell asleep at the wheel on his way home after being the designated driver and everyone loves tragic irony.
First tattoo: No tats. Some scars.
First credit card: The one I got when I was laundering Petra’s money.
First kiss: Lydia Martin at the highschool dance
First enemy: Wolfgang. But he was everyone’s enemy. A real piece of work.
First favorite musician: Leonard Cohen

Lasts:

Last kiss: I don’t even remember. You never think it’s the last kiss until months later.
Last movie watched: Nacho Libre
Last beverage drank: The juice of the apple
Last food consumed: Subway
Last phone call: Rob from Teldon Printing
Last time showered: Had a bath last night
Last CD played: Soul Explosion by The Daktaris

Now:

Single or Taken: Broken
Sex: A few months back someone wrote “100% manflesh” on my arm with a jiffie. I think I’m down to 85%
Siblings: I killed them in the womb.

Hair color: Thinning
Eye color: Grey
Shoe size: Dainty
Height: Nonthreatening

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12 Responses to “I hate all the orphans in the world”

  1. that does sound like a good job. i’d trade.

  2. that does sound like a good job. i’d trade.

  3. You didn’t drag me along, I dragged myself along.
    One of my favourite parts of Nacho was when Jack was walking with the gorgeous Penelope Cruz-esque woman at night, about to meet the fake/unfake thieves. Hardly anyone in the audience laughed but me when Jack reached into his pocket to pull the old ‘shift and conceal’ maneuver. It was perfect.

  4. You didn’t drag me along, I dragged myself along.
    One of my favourite parts of Nacho was when Jack was walking with the gorgeous Penelope Cruz-esque woman at night, about to meet the fake/unfake thieves. Hardly anyone in the audience laughed but me when Jack reached into his pocket to pull the old ‘shift and conceal’ maneuver. It was perfect.

  5. I didn’t get to mow any dead people today, but I did get to mow a hedge, and help install a memorial bench for a woman who wasn’t dead.

  6. mrdapper says:

    I too thought that was hilarious. Her name has like 9000 syllables.

  7. seems to me memorial benches are just as morbid as tombstones, if not more. i’ll certainly be dead if/when mine goes in, unless someone just up and does it.

  8. kenholiday says:

    fuck your answering service.
    we’re going to the altman tongiht, at 9.40… i attempted to leave a message, but i think the kraut fucked it up.

  9. kenholiday says:

    fuck your answering service.
    we’re going to the altman tongiht, at 9.40… i attempted to leave a message, but i think the kraut fucked it up.

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